10.11.
It’s been 11 years of your birthday without you today.
I think about you, of course, and today more than any other day, I feel the need to talk to you. So I write. In English, a language you did not know, because words flow more easily. I laugh thinking about this, what a good joke! As putea scrie in romana, insa imi imaginez ca acum, orice ganduri as avea, in orice limba, ar ajunge, cumva, la tine. Et après je m’imagine t’écrire en français. Mais ça marche pas du tout, même pas dans ma tête, so I giggle and switch to English.
I don’t really remember the last birthday of yours we got to celebrate together in 2012. I don’t feel bad about it, I know back then I didn’t know it would be your last and, after all, this is what time does. It tries to heal by making us forget a bit.
So, what have I been up to in the past 11 years? I grew older and wiser, but I remained young and beautiful, of course. And yes, I still enjoy having inherited your sense of humor, or your style more likely. I laugh at my own jokes, like you used to do, and I don’t really care much if the others are amused or not, also like you.
I changed countries and now I speak French also. I imagine sometimes having you here, visiting and I can’t keep being amused at the idea. I know you would love the food and THE WINE here, the conversations and apéros into the warm nights, you would love playing chess with F and his dad. I imagine language wouldn’t be a barrier, because in my mind everything is possible.
Still no kids, so you didn’t miss out on anything on that part. Oh, how you used to annoy me with your questions of when am I gonna have them! I think this is why your question naturally came to my mind now.
I have the picture of you, me and Ana at Ionut’s wedding, the one we framed and offered it to you for one of your birthdays. F. changed the frame because it broke, along with the glass, during transport. It is sitting high on a shelf, next to a magnificent plant. Because yes, now we have plants! Avem o gramada de plante, e ca o mica jungla la noi, avem chiar si o mica gradina si am invatat sa ma pricep sa am grija de ele si sa-mi faca placere sa le vad crescand frumos. Desigur, doar unul din obiceiurile lui F. pe care l-am adoptat fara macar sa ma straduiesc prea tare. Ok recunosc, am facut cateva victime pe parcurs, dar am un profesor bun, rabdator si talentat. Inainte eram ca tine, as fi uitat ca exista pentru ca nu ar fi strigat dupa mine sa le ud. O belea in plus !
What else? I am good, but I just miss you and this is how I get to talk to you. I just laughed again, with tears in my eyes, thinking we were not great talkers you and me together. We didn’t talk much, no deep discussions or bullshit philosophies, not many heart to heart talks, we were not the touchy-feely kind of father-daughter either. I remember the last time I saw you I hugged you and I kissed you, I don’t know why, but I am so happy I did it and that now I have that memory so clear in my mind.
Here’s to you dad! La multi ani!
Ani de cuvinte 